The Time Has Come To Land Our Helicopters

By now we have all heard the labels attached to overparenting (helicopter parent, snowplow parent, bulldozer parent, etc.) and intellectually, we know that there are longer-term consequences for our kids if we parent this way. But just because we know it, it doesn’t mean that it is easy to change our behavior.

Why is this? Well, there are a lot of reasons. For me personally, I am always juggling multiple things, and it feels like I am always on the go. Often my thought process is, it is easier if I just do _______ for my child.  Then I know it will be done right, and I can get it done quickly. Does that feel familiar? 

The only thing that prevents me from stepping in and doing it FOR my kids is that I get the privilege of working with college students who have had parents who have been the doers for their kids’ whole lives. I truly see the consequences. College students who don’t know how to wake themselves up for class, are unsure of how to navigate the dining hall, or how to pick out classes on their own. It causes these students to feel incompetent, have low self-worth, and feel anxious and depressed. I know that no parent actually wants that for their kids.

For me it’s like having a crystal ball, which I consider a gift. The earlier that we start letting our kids take ownership of their lives, the better. They will know that they are capable and able to manage whatever comes their way, if we can let go. Here’s the good news. Even if your child is a senior in high school and intends to go to college in the fall, you have enough time to give your student what they need. My advice is just to start practicing now. Stop reminding them to fill up the car with gas, let them wake themselves up for school, and allow them to manage their academic assignments. If your child is younger, find tasks that work for their age. Start by modeling the task, then do it with them.  Next supervise them doing it, and then let them do it on their own.

Most importantly, remember that we will have setbacks and be the doers for our children at times. Why? Because we love our kids, and it is hard to watch them make mistakes. Even with my crystal ball, I still step-in when I know I shouldn’t. And that’s okay. When it makes sense, I apologize and try to do better next time. I mean, ultimately that’s what we want our kids to understand too. Mistakes help us to learn. So hang in there, I am right there with you!