Life Update: Change and Uncertainty

Change and uncertainty always feel hard, and dealing with them has not gotten much easier with age. As we all try to navigate the difficulty of this global pandemic, I’ve had a lot of practice stretching my flexibility muscle. Interestingly, as a child playing sports and dancing, body flexibility was one thing that could be practiced and improved upon. My hope is that my almost daily practice with emotional flexibility during this time will lead to the same kind of improvement.

So what has been happening? I’ve had all the usual changes. Quickly pivoting to working from home while homeschooling the kids, supporting my husband in keeping his business running successfully, and changing our relationships with our local relatives since in-person contact was no longer an option. Like many others, my husband and I are also trying to figure out how to talk to our kids honestly about all of the hard things that are happening in the world while helping them feel safe and secure. In addition to addressing COVID-related situations, we are also trying to assist them in recognizing their privilege while at the same time finding practical things they can do to feel like they are making a difference. That alone is a lot.

And then came some of the changes that we invited into our home. First off, my oldest had his first experience at sleep away camp during the summer of 2019. He did not stop talking about it all year and was eager to return for another 4-week session in the summer of 2020. His camp was AMAZING at creating a plan to make camp happen as safely as possible this summer. The only caveat: they were only running one, 7-week session. Yup, that is not an error. If he went, he would have to go for seven weeks versus the four weeks we were anticipating (which by the way, already felt too long), and there would be no visiting days to assuage our loneliness. My son was all in and ready to pack his duffels. My husband and I were unsure. Once we felt comfortable from a health and safety standpoint, we then had to decide if we were okay with his being gone all summer. After lots of talking and some sleepless nights, we agreed to let him go.

Next up, it seemed like a good time to bring another dog into our home (emphasis on the “seemed”). Now, we already have a 4-year old dog but I’ve always dreamed of having two, and I really wanted to adopt. So that is what we did. Oh boy, did I forget what it was like to have a new dog in the house. This time around we were dealing with a 50 lb. dog who had never lived inside a home. We also quickly learned that our new girl must be part hound as her howl was very loud. This all happened as we had gotten pretty good at navigating the new rules and set-up of quarantine. Obviously this turned our world upside down, and it was like starting from scratch. One month into adopting her, things are smoother but still challenging.

I won’t bore you with the rest of it, but we also decided to move one of our boys out of his school for the upcoming academic year and put him in a new school. Our other child who is not a big fan of change himself (hmm…wonder where he gets that from?) decided that he wanted to try a new day camp, and we had to make other decisions around childcare while my husband and I were still working but the kids would not be occupied with school. Oh, and I also decided to try out a new sport. For those of you who know my competitive nature, you may be surprised that I am attempting to learn something very different — something at which I definitely do not excel at the moment. I do not like being a beginner, but I am sticking with it.

So what’s the point of all of this? Well first off, I recognize that I am lucky to get to make these decisions. People are struggling with much harder issues in the world right now. However, just like I tell my clients, we can understand how hard it is for others right now AND still have struggles of our own. I’m loving the word “and” right now. Both get to exist, and whatever we are dealing with, we are also allowed to feel tired, stressed, anxious, hopeless and depleted. In fact, we can feel all of these AND also feel grateful, hopeful, inspired, and even have fun. So, am I better dealing with uncertainty with all the practice 2020 has given me? Yes AND no. Sometimes it comes more easily than at other times, but one thing I am certain about, I will have many, many more opportunities for practice. Ugh!